Do you Really have to know?
Do you really have to know?
If you’re a parent, or you’ve been through school, you’ve inevitably had to deliver a speech or two (or twelve) about what you want to be when you grow up. As a child, I vividly remember doing this multiple times. I was one of those kids who, from a very young age, had a fixed idea of what I wanted to be. I was convinced I wanted to become a marine biologist, and that’s exactly what I spoke about every time. Imagine my parents’ surprise when I became a psychologist instead.
My oldest daughter is in Grade 1 and has to give a speech on the same topic. Like me, she has a very clear idea of what she wants to become. My youngest, however, responded differently. When I asked her what she would like to be one day, she said: “I don’t know. I’m small. How should I know?”
I immediately started prompting her with different ideas. Nothing. My husband put it perfectly: “Why should she have to know? It’s okay if she doesn’t.” I completely agree. But we still need to prepare some form of speech (the achiever in me refuses to let this one slide).
One of the biggest obstacles I see when coaching people – especially leaders – is the fear of not having the answer or not knowing what comes next. This fear often keeps them stuck and paralysed. It shows up when they struggle to make decisions, take action, or have difficult conversations, all because they’re afraid of getting it wrong or not knowing the long-term impact.
Certainty is a primal human need. Neuroscience shows that our brains don’t respond well to uncertainty. It triggers a threat response, pushing us into primitive fight, flight, freeze or fawn mode. This severely limits our ability to make high-quality, complex decisions.
One of the most effective tools I use to help people get unstuck is to focus on the four things we can control:
1. What we think about
We can choose to dwell on “I don’t know what comes next” and feel helpless. Or we can think, “I don’t know, but I can figure it out.” The choice of which thoughts we allow to take root is ours.
2. What we do with what we feel
Emotions are like cars speeding down a highway. We can’t ignore them, nor should we let them sweep us away. We need to learn to name what we’re feeling and respond to it constructively. We may feel uncertain, anxious, or fearful about the future, but we don’t have to let those emotions dictate our reality.
3. Our behaviour and actions in each situation
We always get to choose how we behave. I often ask myself: “Will taking this action (or choosing inaction) move me closer to the impact I want to have?” If not, I make a change. If yes, I’ll go for it.
4. What we say to others and to ourselves
If we constantly tell ourselves it needs to be perfect before we move forward, we’ll stay stuck, possibly forever. If we keep asking “What if?” instead of exploring possibilities, we’ll never build the confidence to act. We don’t need to be reckless, but we do have a choice in the stories we tell ourselves and others. We might as well make them messages of hope.
The core message I want to share is this: None of us has ever been here before. None of us has it all figured out. And that’s perfectly okay. Maybe it’s even necessary to take a few steps without knowing exactly where they’ll lead. After all, the world’s greatest novels unfold one page at a time.
If you are struggling navigating uncertainty and would like some help, get in touch. You can reach us at info@purposeworks.co.za.
At PurposeWorks we are all about Making You and Your Work Rock. Our focus is on Organisational Health and Design, Employee Centered Culture, Leadership Development and Performance Coaching. For more information on how we can help you create a work environment that rocks, develop a great team, become an inspiring leader or unlock your personal excellence talk to us at info@purposeworks.co.za.
