Everybody is an idiot

I think I am a pretty good observer. I attribute this to my experience, education and growing up around people with strong opinions. I often observed how my brother and father would go at it for hours trying to prove who is “right” in a situation, usually about cars, engines or sports. Call it conflict avoidance if you will, but I learnt (and am still learning) that sometimes it is okay to not have my opinion heard. Their heated debates often left an uncomfortable silence in the house. I subsequently learnt that there is nothing wrong with having an opinion, but it doesn’t mean that everyone needs to hear it or will care for it.

It seems that this need to be right, to be recognized for your opinion, stance or rant has become an increasingly common phenomenon. Perhaps, it is just more public than before, with people having many open platforms in the form of social media. Perhaps, people’s desire to be seen and recognized has become more noticeable due to the connected disconnected world we live in. I don’t really know. I am sure you know at least one person who must always win the argument, have the final say or at a minimum have their opinion heard. If you don’t, that person is probably you!

The implication of this? Everybody else is an idiot. To illustrate my point, I recently watched a Tom Hanks movie called “A man named Otto”. If you haven’t watched it, do yourself a favour but make sure you have tissues nearby. This man named Otto becomes so focused on his challenges, his own heartache and his own fight, that he completely fails to see the impact it has on those around him. He walks around calling people idiots. Why? Because they do not see the world the way he does, they do not value what he values, they do not understand his plight, his challenges, his history and his heartache. It is only when someone holds him accountable for his behaviour and holds up a metaphorical mirror that he realizes he has become completely self-absorbed. He has made his entire existence all about himself.

This movie leads me into some deep reflection. My mom may not have been completely wrong in saying “Not everybody is always wrong”. We need the ability to take perspective (and I include myself here). We need a willingness to put the need aside to be right and step into the discomfort of hearing someone else’s opinion or story, to truly connect to those around us. I am not at all suggesting setting aside your values or beliefs. But I think it is a worthy reflection to consider the impact you would like to have and if going around calling everyone else idiots (at least figuratively) will get you there. It doesn’t mean you need to lower your standards or expectations for the people around you. But it does require that we listen first, without the need to correct, disprove or challenge. It is the willingness to acknowledge that we can always stand to learn something from another person (purposefully engaging in a growth mindset).

Ask yourself – how do you feel when someone is unwilling to hear or see your perspective? When the only voice that matters is theirs? When the only perspective that makes sense is theirs and the only good ideas come from them.

Then ask yourself: “Where am I perhaps making others feel this way?” Then depending on your answer, try to hold a little more space, be a little more patient, listen a little while longer and ask a few more questions before sharing your perspective.

This is one of those posts we are writing for ourselves since we also need a constant reminder not to treat others like idiots.

Thank you for reading, please share with anyone that can benefit from it.

If you are having a difficult time listening to others or building a culture of care, get in touch. You can reach us at info@purposeworks.co.za.

At PurposeWorks we are all about Making You and Your Work Rock. Our focus is on Organisational Health and Design, Employee Centered Culture, Leadership Development and Performance Coaching. For more information on how we can help you create a work environment that rocks, develop a great team, become an inspiring leader or unlock your personal excellence talk to us at info@purposeworks.co.za.