How we deal with the tough parts of life shows who we are
A hearty congratulations are in order. You’ve made it through the first week of 2021! No mean feat.
Most of us were very happy to see the back of 2020 – certainly one of the most challenging years in recent history. Unfortunately, the flipping over of the calendar has not brought the change in fortune we were all hoping for. The second wave is in full swing and all indications are that we need to hunker down for some time to come.
Although these are unprecedented time, there is no shortage of examples from history where people like us have had to make it through very challenging, uncomfortable, and unforgiving circumstances.
Let’s look at three principles from the psychology of survival that have proven true when life seems at its worst…
1. Expect it to be very tough
Admiral James Stockdale was a prisoner of war in Vietnam for seven-and-a-half years, during which he was routinely tortured and beaten. What Stockdale learnt during this time (which later became known as the Stockdale Paradox) was that it was the more naïve, overly optimistic prisoners that were less likely to survive. Those that convinced themselves that the war would end and they would be set free sooner rather than later, were more likely to give up and resign themselves to their “inevitable” fate. He reports that many of his fellow prisoners died from disappointment when their imprisonment lasted longer than expected, rather than from the wounds they were dealt during their captivity.
Yet, some prisoners (including himself) did survive. What set them apart was 1) their unflinching belief that they would prevail in the end, regardless of how tough things would become, and at the same time 2) they showed the courage to honestly confront the brutal facts about their current reality.
We can be confident that this pandemic will end, but at the same time know that it might not be soon, and it will be challenging in the meantime. Naïve optimism is not helpful, neither is cynicism – what we need now is the courage to face our reality.
2. Stay connected to something bigger than yourself
Victor Frankl was another prisoner of war, surviving four-and-a-half years in Nazi concentration camps during the Second World War. He reported something like Stockdale – the prisoners most likely to give up hope and succumb to their circumstances, were those that lost all purpose for living. They decided that, since life would never be the same, there was no sense in going on.
During uncertain and challenging times, it becomes essential that we do not lose touch with the bigger picture – the impact we wish to have, the person we wish to become – informed by our personal values and purpose. We need something to aim at, a goal that pulls us forward, a mountain top to navigate towards, while we go about our daily routines and adjusted way of life. Having a clear value system, a sense of personal identity and a purpose for your existence increases the odds of survival and resiliency dramatically.
For Frankl (a neurologist and psychiatrist by profession) it was his dream of finishing his theory of psychology (called “logotherapy,” which treats psychological problems by helping people find meaning in their lives) and lecturing on his learnings that kept him going through the darkest hours of the war.
Whatever informs your aim – faith, purpose, values – never take your eyes off them. It will keep you going when you feel like giving up the fight.
3. Action, not perfection
You might be between jobs or working from home, surrounded by kids, chores, and a lack of structure. Maybe you feel cut off from the outside world, lonely and in need of support. Many are grieving and dealing with the loss of a loved one.
Circumstances might not be the way you want them to be. Most people would say that. But, don’t let that stop you from doing the best with what is in front of you. Don’t let things slide just because the situation isn’t ideal. Maintain your sense of responsibility. Know that just because things can’t be done perfectly, does not mean you cannot do them really well. And when you inevitably have a bad day, shake if off as quickly as you can and start fresh tomorrow.
Be careful of falling into a black-and-white mentality in which one lapse invalidates all your other efforts (the “I’ve eaten one cookie so I may as well eat the whole bag” syndrome). The most important thing to do is to get up each day with determination, aiming at the ideals we mentioned earlier and not getting entrapped by the failures of the previous day, week, or year.
The take-away
Be confident that these difficult times will pass AND know it will be challenging.
As Frankl said: “How we deal with the tough parts of our lives, shows who we are.”
One last thing…
Taking these tough times into consideration and with the knowledge that people are under severe pressure, PurposeWorks has developed a series of workshops aimed at building resilience, enhancing emotional intelligence, managing and dealing with burnout and focusing on the importance of selfcare. Our aim is to provide practical, actionable advice, informed by the science of Positive Psychology in an accessible and affordable format.
These workshops are aimed at individuals, teams and organisations. Please contact us at hello@purposeworks.co.za for more information on scheduling and pricing options.
At PurposeWorks we are all about Making You and Your Work Rock. Our focus is on Organisational Health and Design, Employee Centered Culture, Leadership Development and Performance Coaching. For more information on how we can help you create a work environment that rocks, develop a great team, become an inspiring leader or unlock your personal excellence talk to us at info@purposeworks.co.za.
