Sweet or Sour talk???

Sweet or sour talk?

I recently read this story in a newsletter:

On consecutive nights, Jennie Jerome, Winston Churchill’s mother, once dined with Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli and his rival, William Gladstone. When asked about her impressions of the two men, she said, “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But when I sat next to Disraeli I left feeling that I was the cleverest woman”.

This made me think about something I spent several coaching sessions with clients on last year but also something I reflect on often: Is there alignment between the impact I wish to have on the people around me and my actual impact? We have options when it comes to the impact we choose to have. We can be the person around the table that leaves everyone thinking “Man that person is the life of the party”. The person who knows everything, is intelligent, smart and admirable. The person who leaves you thinking “Wow I want to be better”, inspired to make a few changes. We can also be the person who leaves people feeling seen, heard and encouraged. These people make me feel like I am the most important person in the room. Neither is wrong, we need both and even a bunch of people in between.

Then there are some people who make us feel rather poor about ourselves. Around them, you feel like you need to hide your true self. It’s pretty exhausting! Like running on soft sand, at any moment your foot will give way leaving you flat on your face, exposed and embarrassed. Unfortunately, we can do nothing about how others choose to behave and the impact they have. But, YOU have all the control over the way you show up.

My question is: Which side do you want to lean toward, feeling important or making others feel important? Knowing this we can be more purposeful about the impact we have. If you are unsure of your current impact, here are some questions you can ask to those you trust to be honest with you:

• How engaged are you when we spend time together, or do you wish you were somewhere else?
• How much of me, the real me, can you tolerate?
• Do you feel you can be real with me? Or do you feel you need to apply filters?
• Do you feel I make you want to talk more and share comfortably?
• Do you feel you can just be around me? Or do you feel you need to fill the silence?
• Do you feel that I understand the core of who you are?

It will be uncomfortable to receive feedback that contrasts with what you expect, but rather than getting defensive, see it as valuable insight as to where to start. And then get to work changing your impact!

If you are having a difficult time measuring your impact, get in touch. You can reach us at info@purposeworks.co.za.

At PurposeWorks we are all about Making You and Your Work Rock. Our focus is on Organisational Health and Design, Employee Centered Culture, Leadership Development and Performance Coaching. For more information on how we can help you create a work environment that rocks, develop a great team, become an inspiring leader or unlock your personal excellence talk to us at info@purposeworks.co.za.