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Is your communication style helping or hindering you?

I recently watched a series where a young woman is gifted the strange ability to hear someone’s “heart song”, the song that describes what people are really thinking and feeling. In a somewhat comical way, the only way she can stop hearing people sing to her is by addressing their underlying issue, concern, or emotion. The worst part? People say one thing but sing something else entirely.

It got me thinking about how many of us go through life not really addressing things, not speaking our truth honestly, or not sharing our true thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it’s due to a lack of self-insight, sometimes it’s fear of conflict, or maybe it’s because we worry that being open will leave us rejected, judged, or alone. The irony is that not sharing – whether it’s talking, reasoning, or expressing what we need – often leaves us feeling isolated and full of resentment.

Now, I’m definitely not saying you should be reckless and blurt out whatever you want, however you want. That might leave you not just feeling alone but actually alone! But when something matters, I think it’s worth learning how to communicate about it with clarity and honesty.

Communication is about so much more than just words. It’s your tone, your body language, how you listen—it’s the seen and unseen in every interaction. Too often, our messaging falls flat because we’re so focused on getting our opinions heard that we forget to listen to the other person or consider the situation’s demands.

I’ve had numerous sessions where clients found themselves in difficult situations due to poor, unclear, or nonexistent communication. We all indeed have different communication styles, but regardless of your style, here are a few key things to keep in mind:

• Be congruent in your communication – alignment between what you feel, think and say – say it like it is.
• Don’t front or pretend.
• Acknowledge your emotions, state them clearly, and own them. Don’t blame others or situations for how you feel.
• Don’t ignore the need to express yourself. It will bubble up eventually, often at the worst possible time.
• Don’t avoid the tough stuff. Speak about the real issues while they are still small enough to deal with.
• All the while respecting others’ opinions. Acknowledge that we might see the same situation very differently.

When we communicate this way, we build credibility. We grow more comfortable with discomfort and lay honest foundations for our relationships. As Bruce Feiler puts it: “Kind communication promotes happiness, in that it increases short-term pleasure, while honest communication promotes greater meaning, in that it prioritises long-term fulfilment. The conclusion: Individuals find honest communication to be more enjoyable, meaningful and socially connecting than they expect.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Nothing astonishes men [and women] so much as common sense and plain dealing.” This week, surprise people with how you communicate.

If you would like some help developing your communication style, get in touch. You can reach us at info@purposeworks.co.za.

At PurposeWorks we are all about Making You and Your Work Rock. Our focus is on Organisational Health and Design, Employee Centered Culture, Leadership Development and Performance Coaching. For more information on how we can help you create a work environment that rocks, develop a great team, become an inspiring leader or unlock your personal excellence talk to us at info@purposeworks.co.za.