While you are waiting for your ship to come in
While you are waiting for your ship to come in
As a coach, I often have conversations with people who feel stuck or like nothing is going their way. Recently, I sat with a lady who has had a pretty crappy year. Even from an outsider’s perspective, it feels like she cannot catch a break. She shared with me that she was gifted a holiday by a friend, which felt like the break she had been hoping for. She was excited because she felt that going away and seeing the beach would make all the difference and “fix” everything. This train of thought is quite common: “If I can just get the promotion”, “when the kid’s exams are done”, “when I retire”… There is nothing wrong with hoping for better things. Hope brings life. But the problem with these statements is that they are very often linked to external circumstances that we have little control over. She never got to go on the holiday as she had to say goodbye to a loved one, so it did not “make everything better”. Leaving her even more depleted and on top of that heartbroken.
I have been thinking about how to get out of this mindset. It has been a purposeful attempt to help my clients, but also myself to be honest. I have had an interesting first part of the year. Very few things have gone quite as planned and I also started feeling a little defeated. I often declutter and organize (anxiously) when I need to think. As I was organizing our scuba diving equipment, I found myself thinking about how it is another thing I cannot do because of my knee injury. However, after some reflection, I realized that scuba diving can teach me how to be more purposeful about enjoying what I can.
When you start scuba diving, all you want to see is the big stuff. The manta rays, the whale sharks and the dolphins. I haven’t seen any of them. I could write all my dives off and say it was a waste of time. But what I noticed whilst diving is we can choose to notice the small things if we move our head away from the “big” things. I started being more present, letting go of the expectation that a good dive is a dive where you see the big stuff, and it opened up the most amazingly beautiful world to me. From the most beautiful nudibranchs (really beautiful see snails, google it) to the colours of the coral.
Everywhere I looked – little pockets of beauty. Only because I changed my mind.
I believe herein lies the recipe to living a happier life despite the challenges we encounter. Here is how:
1. Stop and notice: Notice the moments, the pockets of fun, enjoyment, and beauty.
2. Replicate: Once you know what makes these moments enjoyable replicate them as often as you can.
3. Let go of the expectation: Be there in the moment. Don’t get hung up on the expectation that something must be fun, exciting or will tick certain boxes.
4. It isn’t all or nothing: Life tends to be somewhere in between. At times we may experience a lot of what is good, and other times not so much. But life is never all good or all bad – it is always something in between.
It would be great if all the stars aligned and the big things fell into place all at once. Until that happens for you, paying attention to the good small things will be a helpful alternative.
If you need some help zooming out and gaining perspective on where you are – we would love to help, get in touch. You can reach us at info@purposeworks.co.za.
At PurposeWorks we are all about Making You and Your Work Rock. Our focus is on Organisational Health and Design, Employee Centered Culture, Leadership Development and Performance Coaching. For more information on how we can help you create a work environment that rocks, develop a great team, become an inspiring leader or unlock your personal excellence talk to us at info@purposeworks.co.za.
