You Find what you look for
You find what you look for
I’m the type of person who puts things back “where they belong”. The result of this is that I spend very little time, if any, looking for anything. I can walk straight to where I last put the thing, use it and put it back.
No problem, in theory.
The caveat being, I have a teenage son. He is not a “put things back where they belong” type of person. His room functions like an interstellar black hole: once something enters it, the chances of it returning are close to zero. Every so often, I find myself wading in there, looking for something that is not where I left it, not by choice but out of necessity. Most times, I don’t find what I’m looking for, but rather end up leaving with a bunch of things I didn’t realise were missing.
It serves as a good example of fixing your gaze on what is wrong, missing and out of place – which inevitably leads to frustration and conflict.
Last week, I listened to a beautiful story that illustrates the opposite:
Simon Sinek was hosting Don Yeager on his podcast, talking about the legendary college basketball coach John Wooden. Yeager is a journalist and author and is considered an expert on Wooden, having spent many years being mentored by him and writing multiple books about his coaching expertise and life. If you don’t know who Wooden is, I would liken him to the Rassie Erasmus of college basketball (should Rassie win three Rugby World Cups). Wooden passed away in 2010 at the age of 99.5 years old. His wife, Nellie, passed 25 years earlier. For the remainder of his life, coach Wooden would write Nellie a letter every month, which he would place on her side of the bed. The next month, he would remove that letter, place it in a box and replace it with a new letter. Yeager asked him what he wrote in these letters, and he told him that it was all the things he appreciated and missed about her. Every month, he would write one or two pages describing something else about Nellie. Doing some quick math, that brings it close to 300 letters!
Yeager took this a step further: That Christmas, he gave his wife a box filled with 52 letters, each describing a distinct characteristic or behaviour that he enjoys or appreciates about her. She then gets to read a different letter every week of the year. But get this, he has been doing it for years! His wife has more than 500 letters, written by her husband, describing what he loves about her. And none of them repeats. Incredible!
Sinek (like me) was astonished and asked him how he could think of and notice more than 500 different positive and lovable things about his wife. His answer was fantastic: “You find it when you look for it”.
It served as such a timely reminder, given the state of the world, work and relationships in general. Finding fault is so easy to the point that it becomes automatic. That definitely does not mean that all the good has vanished all of a sudden – we just need to remember how to notice it. Just this week, I had a conversation with a leader reminding him to catch his people doing the right things – not just the things they mess up.
I will do my best to do the same the next time I go into my son’s room.
If you find yourself getting stuck on the negatives, get in touch. You can reach us at info@purposeworks.co.za.
At PurposeWorks we are all about Making You and Your Work Rock. Our focus is on Organisational Health and Design, Employee Centered Culture, Leadership Development and Performance Coaching. For more information on how we can help you create a work environment that rocks, develop a great team, become an inspiring leader or unlock your personal excellence talk to us at info@purposeworks.co.za.
