You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Last Saturday I had a bad day. I injured myself doing something I love. I am pretty heartbroken because it feels like I am all the way back to square one, seeing that it is a repeat injury. At that moment I experienced the situation with a traumatic intensity. I felt angry and disappointed – on the verge of a negative spiral.
I allowed myself to experience the emotions in all their intensity while my husband – bless his soul – sat patiently in empathy with me. Since then I’ve had to constantly remind myself to stop dwelling on the worst-case scenarios or to look for a reason why this happened to me – which is a slippery slope to self-pity and shame. The only thing to do now is to accept the situation and move forward. It is easy and natural to feel helpless during this period of disappointment, but I have been trying to guide my thoughts throughout in order to remain positive and hopeful.
Whenever calamity or disappointment strikes, ask yourself these three questions:
- Is this personal? My default setting (and most other people’s) is to immediately think “This is my fault”, “I should have known better” or “Why am I so stupid?”. Yes, there are certain situations where we are the sole contributor to the problem, but very often bad things just happen. Nothing we could have done could have prevented it. So, ask yourself whether it is necessary or useful to take your setback personally. If it is your direct fault, take responsibility. If not, try to regard it as part of life.
- Is this permanent? Will I be injured forever? No. Although it might feel like a permanent situation now, this will pass. Very few things in life are permanent, especially not our feelings. Even if the external situation won’t change, the way we feel about it is likely to shift at some stage. Remind yourself that you won’t be in this hole forever – time heals most things.
- Does this impact my entire existence? As soon as the disappointment strikes, one of our first thoughts is often “Well there goes everything!” My mind immediately tells me “Well now you can’t be a good mom, a good wife, you can’t work, you can’t go on holiday, you can’t do that race etc etc. EVERYTHING is just a mess now!” It is very easy to regard our situation as hopeless when we paint it in these generalized terms. Truthfully, everything is not a mess. Things are more complicated and will take extra planning in the foreseeable future. Some things are a bit messy, but definitely not everything. And although I cannot run now, I am still a great mom (or at least that is what I keep telling myself).
We are all going to suffer some disappointment at one time or another – it is built into life. Disappointment just hits differently. It makes one feel alone and vulnerable. The type of people you are surrounded by makes all the difference in the world. Some will sit with you and empathize, while others will not. Support and gratitude are the antidote to self-pity and anguish.
Remember: a bad day does not equal a bad life. Use these questions to remind yourself of that.
If you would like some help getting the upper hand on those pervasive thoughts, get in touch. You can reach us at info@purposeworks.co.za.
At PurposeWorks we are all about Making You and Your Work Rock. Our focus is on Organisational Health and Design, Employee Centered Culture, Leadership Development and Performance Coaching. For more information on how we can help you create a work environment that rocks, develop a great team, become an inspiring leader or unlock your personal excellence talk to us at info@purposeworks.co.za.
