Beat the meh – Part 2
In last week’s Tips to Challenge Ordinary we started talking about the most popular emotion of 2021: languishing. If you were to imagine human experience as ranging on a scale from depression, at the lower end, and flourishing at the top end, languishing sits somewhere towards the lower end. To recap, you experience languish when you struggle to focus, feel unmotivated, enjoy lower levels of joy and just feel discontent and stuck. If someone asks you how you are doing, your answer might be: “meh”.
In order to move towards the upper end of the scale, closer to flourishing, we need to become more purposeful in the way we go about things. Since the normal state of affairs is not contributing much to our experience of wellbeing, we need to take matters into our own hands. Last week we shared tips on how to experience more positive emotions and noticing your achievements. The next two components of Martin Seligman’s model of flourishing are:
1. Getting into the zone
You know you are in the zone when time stands still. The activities that keep you occupied are so engaging you would do them forever. You become fully entrenched in what you are doing, devoting all your concentration to what you are busy with. You feel the exact opposite of bored. When we get into the zone and experience this sense of flow, this makes a tremendous contribution to our overall sense of wellbeing.
To get into the zone more often, we need to know which activities make us feel this way. For each person it would be unique, so identifying what you love doing and spending more time pursuing these activities would be the first step.
We are also more likely to experience a sense of flow or engagement when we are playing to our strengths – doing things we are good at and enjoy doing. When there is a match between skillset and challenge, we feel like we are right on the edge of our ability and it feels exhilarating. You can think about the balance like this:
When the challenge is too high, we freak out. Too low and we get bored. Finding that sweet spot is the essence of engagement.
2. Positive relationships
High quality relationships are crucial for our wellbeing. We need at least one person in our life we can phone at 3am when the bottom falls out. But equally important, we need people in our lives that will genuinely celebrate with us when we win. The way we respond to somebody else’s good news will have a lasting impact on the quality of the relationship. The best response to build healthy relationships is known as Active Constructive responding: you match the level of excitement of the person sharing the good news, you ask relevant questions about their experience, you show positive emotions, maintain eye contact, smile or laugh – allowing them to experience the good news all over again.
Be authentic in your expression. If you are jealous or resentful of someone else’s good fortune it will be difficult to hide your true feelings. If this is the case, start by checking your own motivations and try to determine why you feel this way. But do keep in mind that praise, recognition, and good fortune is a limitless resource – when someone else wins it does not mean that you are losing out (in most instances).
The Takeaway
Boost your level of flourishing by purposely doing more of the things you enjoy doing and are good at. Get in the zone more often, instead of being a passive recipient of what Netflix has to offer. Also, nurture your relationships. We struggle when we try to do live on our own. When someone you care about gets to win, celebrate with them in an authentic way. Be the type of person you would want around when it is your turn to receive good news, while also being there when times are tough.
In closing
Our approaches towards individual and team coaching, employee engagement and culture are all based on the tenets of Positive Psychology, with the aim of helping you, your team and organisation flourish. If you find yourself languishing, get in touch at hello@purposeworks.co.za. We would love to help you move your dial.
At PurposeWorks we are all about Making You and Your Work Rock. Our focus is on Organisational Health and Design, Employee Centered Culture, Leadership Development and Performance Coaching. For more information on how we can help you create a work environment that rocks, develop a great team, become an inspiring leader or unlock your personal excellence talk to us at info@purposeworks.co.za.
